I am quite contented by the progress in breastfeeding. Aarush is still on breastmilk exclusively and he has been steadily gaining weight. I am regularly expressing in the office and so far the going has been good. I have been able to carry home enough supply to last him for the time when I am away. He also has no problems getting to my breasts when I am back.
Aarush has 7 feeds a day now. Out of this, 4 times he is on expressed breastmilk. I express 3 times a day - before I leave for work as he is usually asleep and it also saves a lot of time for me, twice in the office at about 11.30 am and 3.30 pm. This depends a lot on my work schedule and I admit I am finding it quite tough with the increased workload due to the year end. In my absence Aarush has about 480 ml of milk and I am so far about to meet this demand while expressing. The other three times he feeds directly – once when I am back from office, before bedtime and one night feed.
Aarush has not been waking up on his own for the night feed for the past week or so. But, nevertheless, I get up once at night to give him a feed and he suckles well. I do not know whether it is a good practice. But I don’t want to miss even a single chance of feeding him directly. Also I get extremely full and it gets very inconvenient for me.
I hope I can carry on this way for the next 2 months until Aarush reaches 6 months!
Showing posts with label Work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Work. Show all posts
November 23, 2009
November 3, 2009
One month of work....
I have completed one month of work post Aarush. Whew! What a feat! Returning to work was so difficult that I initially thought of posting regular updates about the ups and downs. On second thoughts, I felt it would be better to wait until things ease out for me and I would be able to look at things from a different perspective so that my comments don’t seem too biased.
Infact, the last couple of weeks of my maternity leave were totally spend thinking of whether to return to work or not. The justifications were many:
a) It’s a baby’s right to have his mother pampering him 24/7 and returning to work will deny my baby this right
b) I have worked continuously for 11 years and its time for a break
c) Work place has become less challenging and I need to take a break, refresh myself and find out a better opportunity
d) I could spend more quality time with Appu
e) I suddenly had a love for all things domestic and wanted to throw myself into cooking and housekeeping
The list could go on. Since there was not much of support from any quarter, I was struggling with the confusion through out the days I was at home. B had left it to me entirely to make the choice and assured me that he would support me on whatever decision I took. Mom was firmly against it and made it clear that she would return to India if I were to stay at home (Grrr..), my friends kept telling me that it would be a bad decision given the cushy job that I have (in their opinion!!! Little do they know how demanding and frustrating things can get for me at times! ), many felt that I would regret the decision later when I get bored of the mundane chores at home….
Sometimes I really wonder what happened to that impulsive me that I was a few years back. I used to be so impulsive that each problem I encountered would be seen as either black and white and I could decide on either one in the blink of an eye. I wont advocate that as a positive approach but things were so much easier that way. The inevitable consequences of your decisions were things to be dealt with later. I did so much of analyzing on this, thinking about the pros and cons soooo much that finally I reached no decision at all. It was back to how things were as soon as the leave ended. I was back at work on October 1st as planned. L
The first day – was hhhmmmmm…….horrible. I cried myself to sleep the night before. Hello…what else do you expect me to do… I had never been away from my lil bubby for more than a couple of hours. And now I would be gone for a good 9 hours!!! I cried in the morning at home, I cried in the car, I cried all the way to office, I reached the office crying! Sheesshh… I didn’t realize what a spectacle I was making of myself! But who cares… I was missing my baby. Within a couple of hours I was feeling slightly better.
Now I had to face a big test. I had decided to express in office and I had got my breastpump along with me. But now it was time to put it in action This was a first time I would be expressing anywhere other than the comforts of my home for me and I had no idea how I would carry it out. I was supposed to express at 10.30 but I was too nervous about it and after a lot of hesitation finally I was able to get myself to do it at 11.30. Used the pantry for the deed. Once I started, I could keep going without much of inhibition. By lunch break I was again miserable and wanted to cuddle my baby. I rushed out and went back home and fed my little one. It was bliss. My heart and eyes were full. I could feel my motherly affection bubbling strong within me.
I had purposely decided to join on the last working day of the week. I was back to myself on the weekend and miserable again when the weekend came to a close. Each day each moment my heart was screaming out to just QUIT! As if making my wishes come true, the cuckoonest was struck by a bad case of flu ad I got a few additional days to spend with the little one at home.
I am really finding it difficult to put in words the turmoil that I went through in the first few weeks. But I am sure that all working mothers can realize the anguish I suffered. The colleagues, though they did not offer any words of solace or support, helped by leaving me alone. I finally decided to take one day at a time. I decided that I would quit at the first instance I was faced with any situation wherein I had to compromise my son’s comforts.
So here I am….after a month! I am reasonably happy with the way things are going. I do miss my son through out the day. I keep looking at his photographs many times during the day. I call home and check with mom about him many times. But I feel immense satisfaction when I reach home exhausted and see the happiness on the little ones face when he sees me. I enjoy feeding him after the long gap and love the seeing the excitement with which he suckles hungrily. Both of us enjoy the evening bath, splashing in the tub. I surprisingly enjoy all the chores I have to finish off before I hit bed. And definitely the greatest relief to me is that I am able to continue breastfeeding. I will put up a post on this separately.
I am also making conscious efforts to spend quality time with Appu. Relation with mom also is on better grounds as she probably understands the juggling that I do though it is very minimal in comparison to what many other supermoms have to deal with.
So, here is a pat on my shoulder for having reentered the workforce and for braving it out for a month!
Infact, the last couple of weeks of my maternity leave were totally spend thinking of whether to return to work or not. The justifications were many:
a) It’s a baby’s right to have his mother pampering him 24/7 and returning to work will deny my baby this right
b) I have worked continuously for 11 years and its time for a break
c) Work place has become less challenging and I need to take a break, refresh myself and find out a better opportunity
d) I could spend more quality time with Appu
e) I suddenly had a love for all things domestic and wanted to throw myself into cooking and housekeeping
The list could go on. Since there was not much of support from any quarter, I was struggling with the confusion through out the days I was at home. B had left it to me entirely to make the choice and assured me that he would support me on whatever decision I took. Mom was firmly against it and made it clear that she would return to India if I were to stay at home (Grrr..), my friends kept telling me that it would be a bad decision given the cushy job that I have (in their opinion!!! Little do they know how demanding and frustrating things can get for me at times! ), many felt that I would regret the decision later when I get bored of the mundane chores at home….
Sometimes I really wonder what happened to that impulsive me that I was a few years back. I used to be so impulsive that each problem I encountered would be seen as either black and white and I could decide on either one in the blink of an eye. I wont advocate that as a positive approach but things were so much easier that way. The inevitable consequences of your decisions were things to be dealt with later. I did so much of analyzing on this, thinking about the pros and cons soooo much that finally I reached no decision at all. It was back to how things were as soon as the leave ended. I was back at work on October 1st as planned. L
The first day – was hhhmmmmm…….horrible. I cried myself to sleep the night before. Hello…what else do you expect me to do… I had never been away from my lil bubby for more than a couple of hours. And now I would be gone for a good 9 hours!!! I cried in the morning at home, I cried in the car, I cried all the way to office, I reached the office crying! Sheesshh… I didn’t realize what a spectacle I was making of myself! But who cares… I was missing my baby. Within a couple of hours I was feeling slightly better.
Now I had to face a big test. I had decided to express in office and I had got my breastpump along with me. But now it was time to put it in action This was a first time I would be expressing anywhere other than the comforts of my home for me and I had no idea how I would carry it out. I was supposed to express at 10.30 but I was too nervous about it and after a lot of hesitation finally I was able to get myself to do it at 11.30. Used the pantry for the deed. Once I started, I could keep going without much of inhibition. By lunch break I was again miserable and wanted to cuddle my baby. I rushed out and went back home and fed my little one. It was bliss. My heart and eyes were full. I could feel my motherly affection bubbling strong within me.
I had purposely decided to join on the last working day of the week. I was back to myself on the weekend and miserable again when the weekend came to a close. Each day each moment my heart was screaming out to just QUIT! As if making my wishes come true, the cuckoonest was struck by a bad case of flu ad I got a few additional days to spend with the little one at home.
I am really finding it difficult to put in words the turmoil that I went through in the first few weeks. But I am sure that all working mothers can realize the anguish I suffered. The colleagues, though they did not offer any words of solace or support, helped by leaving me alone. I finally decided to take one day at a time. I decided that I would quit at the first instance I was faced with any situation wherein I had to compromise my son’s comforts.
So here I am….after a month! I am reasonably happy with the way things are going. I do miss my son through out the day. I keep looking at his photographs many times during the day. I call home and check with mom about him many times. But I feel immense satisfaction when I reach home exhausted and see the happiness on the little ones face when he sees me. I enjoy feeding him after the long gap and love the seeing the excitement with which he suckles hungrily. Both of us enjoy the evening bath, splashing in the tub. I surprisingly enjoy all the chores I have to finish off before I hit bed. And definitely the greatest relief to me is that I am able to continue breastfeeding. I will put up a post on this separately.
I am also making conscious efforts to spend quality time with Appu. Relation with mom also is on better grounds as she probably understands the juggling that I do though it is very minimal in comparison to what many other supermoms have to deal with.
So, here is a pat on my shoulder for having reentered the workforce and for braving it out for a month!
September 19, 2009
To or not to?
While I was pregnant with Appu, I was working in Dubai until the 7th month and I used to travel for almost 2 hours up and down and this was really tiring. (I was transeferred to Sharjah in the 7th month and we took an apartment that was only 5 minutes walk from the office. This was heaven!) I used to tell B then that the next pregnanacy should be idyllic and that I should be able to stay at home and take proper rest and care. Well, this was not to be fortunately or otherwise! I was working on a hectic schedule throughout the pregnancy even when my health was not too good. During the maternity leave, I toyed a lot with the thought of staying back and being a full time mom. After reading a lot of other blogs here at blogspot, I realised that this is a dilemma faced by almost all the working moms. Infact, I kept oscillating between thoughts to quit work and to continue work very frequently. These are the reasons for the for the fluctating thoughts.
I wanted to stay at home because:
1) I had grown excpetionally attached to baby and the thought of being away from him for 9 hours at a stretch was unbearable. This was not so in the case of Appu and I was able to leave her with mom without a second thought when I had to return. But this time it was very different. I even felt that the little boy was showing me subtle signals to indicate that he prefers having me at home. One day, I was particulary distraught and I was sobbing with the little one in my arms. When I looked at his little face he gave me a knowing smile that was so reassuring and I tried to convinve myself that he is expressing his preference with that smile.
2) I had taken the decision to exclusively breastfeed my son until 6 months atleast. There would be no formula for my little prince. I was not too sure if I would be able to accomplish this goal with our hectic work schedule. Though I had grown used to expressing milk and had a good storage of expressed milk in the fridge and had well planned out the course of action to express at work as mentioned in a previous post, I was not too sure how successfully I would be able to execute the whole thing.
3) After taking care of the little boy, I realised what I had missed out doing for Appu. I wanted to make up for the lost time before its too late considering that rate at which she is growing. I wanted to spend more time with Appu getting to know her more and to mould her. Somehow, I feel I would be able to mould her better than mom at this stage. This is at the risk of sounding ungrateful for all that mom has so far done for Appu. Mom has always taken excelelnt care of Appu and she is responsibel for Appu’s developments so far single handedly. I wanted to be like other moms take care of Appu wholly. I loved bathing her, feeding her etc. I wanted to pamper her a bit more, play with her, teach her, go out with her more often, have our own girlie time etc.
4) I wanted to get in touch with the domestic side of mine. I am a lousy cook and had absolutely no inclination towards cooking either. I used to always wonder why most women enjoy toiling in the kitchen and trying out new recipes. I loved cleaning and organising the house always though. All of a sudden, I found myself enjoying all the household chores that I initally found mundane. And me being me, I was starting to prepare schedules for washing, cleaning, grocery shopping etc. Though I did not actually cook, I was interested in cookery shows and recipes in magazines. That’s a huge development in my case.
5) I wanted to take a break from work as I have been working continuiosly for 11 years and that too in the same organisation. The work and the workplace does not hold the same charm as it did before. I was not looking forward to being in the same office.
I wanted to work because:
1) I enjoyed getting the monthly sms from Standard Chartered Bank informing me that a cool amount has been credited to my account.
2) The evenings spent at home are more enjoyable after a days’ hard work away from home.
3) It makes to you feel nice to know that you would be able to give in to your desires once in a while without feeling guilty. To be honest, I rarely do this. I am generally a low maintenance person.
4) Mom. Mom is with us to help us when I am way at work. If I am not working, she will see no reason to stay here with us and would want to go back home. This will not be a wise decision as she would have to stay alone. Its in everyones best interests that she stays with us. I had spoken to her about this earlier and she outright said that she will not be here if I decide to stay at home. Though I resent this attitude of mom’s I understand that from her perspetive this is justifiable.
5) We enjoy a very easy life and I wonder whether we will be able to do so with one person’s paycheck.
6) I would miss the adult company and the intellectual stimulation.
I wanted to stay at home because:
1) I had grown excpetionally attached to baby and the thought of being away from him for 9 hours at a stretch was unbearable. This was not so in the case of Appu and I was able to leave her with mom without a second thought when I had to return. But this time it was very different. I even felt that the little boy was showing me subtle signals to indicate that he prefers having me at home. One day, I was particulary distraught and I was sobbing with the little one in my arms. When I looked at his little face he gave me a knowing smile that was so reassuring and I tried to convinve myself that he is expressing his preference with that smile.
2) I had taken the decision to exclusively breastfeed my son until 6 months atleast. There would be no formula for my little prince. I was not too sure if I would be able to accomplish this goal with our hectic work schedule. Though I had grown used to expressing milk and had a good storage of expressed milk in the fridge and had well planned out the course of action to express at work as mentioned in a previous post, I was not too sure how successfully I would be able to execute the whole thing.
3) After taking care of the little boy, I realised what I had missed out doing for Appu. I wanted to make up for the lost time before its too late considering that rate at which she is growing. I wanted to spend more time with Appu getting to know her more and to mould her. Somehow, I feel I would be able to mould her better than mom at this stage. This is at the risk of sounding ungrateful for all that mom has so far done for Appu. Mom has always taken excelelnt care of Appu and she is responsibel for Appu’s developments so far single handedly. I wanted to be like other moms take care of Appu wholly. I loved bathing her, feeding her etc. I wanted to pamper her a bit more, play with her, teach her, go out with her more often, have our own girlie time etc.
4) I wanted to get in touch with the domestic side of mine. I am a lousy cook and had absolutely no inclination towards cooking either. I used to always wonder why most women enjoy toiling in the kitchen and trying out new recipes. I loved cleaning and organising the house always though. All of a sudden, I found myself enjoying all the household chores that I initally found mundane. And me being me, I was starting to prepare schedules for washing, cleaning, grocery shopping etc. Though I did not actually cook, I was interested in cookery shows and recipes in magazines. That’s a huge development in my case.
5) I wanted to take a break from work as I have been working continuiosly for 11 years and that too in the same organisation. The work and the workplace does not hold the same charm as it did before. I was not looking forward to being in the same office.
I wanted to work because:
1) I enjoyed getting the monthly sms from Standard Chartered Bank informing me that a cool amount has been credited to my account.
2) The evenings spent at home are more enjoyable after a days’ hard work away from home.
3) It makes to you feel nice to know that you would be able to give in to your desires once in a while without feeling guilty. To be honest, I rarely do this. I am generally a low maintenance person.
4) Mom. Mom is with us to help us when I am way at work. If I am not working, she will see no reason to stay here with us and would want to go back home. This will not be a wise decision as she would have to stay alone. Its in everyones best interests that she stays with us. I had spoken to her about this earlier and she outright said that she will not be here if I decide to stay at home. Though I resent this attitude of mom’s I understand that from her perspetive this is justifiable.
5) We enjoy a very easy life and I wonder whether we will be able to do so with one person’s paycheck.
6) I would miss the adult company and the intellectual stimulation.
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