October 3, 2017

A golden oldie


Last night was my first nursing free night in 2 years and 5 months and the first one ever for Aaryav.  Our breastfeeding relation had been going so beautifully and my sincere intention was to continue until he decided to call it a day.  The way it was going, certainly we would have continued for another year easily. But at times fate does intervene and you are forced to take decision from the head rather than the heart.

He is a picky eater, a slim guy, yes! At 2 years 5 months he weighs only 12 kilos.  All around me pinned his puny size to breastfeeding and have been pressurizing me to stop, I have not been  too concerned and felt that he would eventually catch up in size and weight.  But the situation of his teeth were worrying me. I could see the enamel getting depleted and a few cracked teeth were a cause for alarm.  Finally, I made the dreaded visit to the dentist half ashamed that I would be judged as a careless mother.  One look and the pedodontist suggested a root canal for one of his upper incisors and a filling for 3 cavities. A root canal is definitely not something I am keen on subjecting him to at this stage.

I followed this up with a visit to the paediatrician who was more milder.  She supported my opinion of not putting him thru a traumatizing experience like the root canal just as yet and suggested an immediate weaning especially of night feeds.  And so here I am, keeping my fingers crossed that I will have the willpower to see this through.  Much earlier than I expected, I feel sad that we did not celebrate the last feed as we should have.  Even now I wonder, should I just give him another feed telling him that this is the final one in our lovely journey together?  A lovely time cuddling him and watching his little jaws move briskly satiating his hunger and comforting him.  The slowing of the rhythm while he drifts off into his sleep the only way he has known ever. I will keep my mobile away and be engrossed in him and him alone. A ceremonial goodbye to our breastfeeding days. This afternoon nap was also without feeding.  Maybe I will just give in one more time and cherish it and imprint the experience in my mind.  Come to think of it, I will not be feeding another baby again this lifetime.

May 27, 2017

Playtime Smiley time

Alarm bells started ringing frantically when it dawned on me that the little one is already 2 and still does not seem to have made much progress in his conversational skills.  All I had to do was an honest analysis of his activities through the day and it was staring me in the face that I spend way too less quality time with him, playing and communicating. Oh yes, catering to three different age group kids with totally different needs and routines can  be nerve wracking.  But excuses are not what we needed here.  Guilt was slowly inching its way into my heart. I made the strong resolve to sit down and play with him and talk to him and enjoy him more.

And like an added blessing all the toys ordered online poured in together!! There are building blocks, shape sorters, magnetic puzzle boards, shape matching kits, racing car slides etc to keep the low on energy mom and the super energetic toddler occupied on lazy mornings.

Once I started making the concious effort, I have discovered that it is indeed loads of fun to play with the small one.  In a few days I noticed marked changes in him.  He is so much more receptive and calmer.  His vocabulary has definitely improved and we celebrate each new word.  The latest ones are mooyi (movie) and toys.  I am on the look out for new games that will be fun and will challenge him more and more.

What games do you play with your toddler?

Happiness for me is.....

....these three smiling faces!

May 22, 2017

Chicken pox strikes

On May 4th Thursday, the husband decided to work from home.  So grabbed the opportunity to drive to school and pick up both the kids early. We decided to make it a fun day out for us. We had a quick lunch from Mcdonalds and saw the movie "Saira Banu" after that.   In the evening we attended Roshitha's bday get together.  After a bit, an intense tiredness and headache set in which I attributed to the walk in the scorching hot sun that I was not used to.  Headache was severe into the next day as well inspite of having a good long nap.  Thats when I noticed a water filled boil on my chest. A few more here and there soon after.  Chicken pox!! Something I had dreaded always.  And to make it more dreadful, I had been so lazy that the little one was not even vaccinated yet!! By Sunday a few spots broke out on my face as well and the numbers on the chest and the back increased rapidly.  Severe itching all over!! But it was a very mild case as I felt completely normal by Tuesday and by the end of the week all the scabs had fallen off.  All was good and I was waiting for the next attack wondering who the victim would be.

Exactly after 14 days, on a Saturday, Aarush walks in with an itchy small sore which was bugging him.  I immediately noticed the two boils on his tummy.  And on Sunday, I search all over a totally exhausted Appu and catch sight of the dreaded water filled boil on the tip of her finger and later a few popped up on her face.  The baby appears ok so far.  Keeping fingers crossed that he is spared this time.

Its day 3 today and Aarush has quite a few severely itchy boils.  Appu seems to be a milder case though its too soon to say.  Neem leaves is what we have been using mostly to get relief from the itching.  Brushing the body gently with the leaves, bathing in water boiled with neem leaves and cooled and applying paste of neem and turmeric.  We made Aarush sleep on a bed of neem leaves yesterday too.  Calamine lotion is being spread over the body at regular intervals.   I have also been adding baking soda to bath water.  Oat bath has been said to give a lot of relief so I am going to try that tomorrow.  Aarush is on Zyrtec, an antihistamine, but that is not helping him much. He is crying out and unable to sleep due to severe itching.  As I type this its 3 15 am and he has just dozed off.  I am sitting beside him brushing him with neem leaves.  Appu, the more tolerant of the two is deep in sleep thankfully.

Thats where we stand now.  Will be updating on the progress soon.

Updated to add:

Now its a household of 3 chicken pox kids.  The tiny one started breaking out in spots on Tuesday and have quite a few by now.  Temperature was moderately high for a day otherwise he is manageable.  God has been kind enough to keep it mild for all three and giving a break after my attack so that I can take care of them.  And the timing is right enough not to mess with our vacation plans.  Thankful for small mercies!

May 18, 2017

Cheers to New friendship!

So at 24 months, Aaryav has made his first official friend.  An adorable cuddly little 27 month old in our same building...just a floor below.  Surprising how we never met earlier inspite of me being on a constant search for playmates for the bored little toddler.  For now, the duo seem to be getting along well though Aaryav is a little boisterous at times and this intimidates the ever so gentle Baby A a bit. They watched and sang along with a few rhymes, read a couple of books and played with blocks. Mental note made to introduce the little one to new and better methods of expression.

Baby As mom happens to be an awesome mommie blogger and is extremely sweet and warm as well. Love her positive parenting style and look forward to getting some amazing parenting tips from her.

June 4, 2016

I chose right over wrong

I really did not like the earlier post,,but that was just as much as I could do.  Life is totally different from what it was from where I left off.  I'm 37 years old, a mother of 3 lovely kids!  Much more matured though definitely a lot more boring.

Oct 2014 was when I came to know that I was pregnant once more. Periods were delayed.  So thought of a home pregnancy check pretty sure that it would be negative,  It was a huge shock for me and Biju when it came positive.   Another baby was absolutely not in our scheme of things.  After all we were a perfectly balanced family with 2 kids, a girl and a boy that too.  I was 35 and with 2 c sections under my belt why would I even think of another child.   What about the finances, the hassle of bringing up another child.  No definitely not.  At six weeks of pregnancy went with my friend Dhanya to meet Dr Vidhula at Healers and confirm the pregnancy.  She confirmed that there was a perfectly healthy foetus.  At that point of time, all that I was worried about was the hassle of going to India and getting a termination done especially since school was on for Appu and Aarush and I would have to make so many arrangements.  I was also scared to undergo the termination procedure somehow.  But was there any other choice. No...None!!!

Dhanya, a devout Christian and another friend Reshmi kept telling me that I should go ahead with the pregnancy and not even think otherwise,  From the others that I disclosed this to I was getting mixed suggestions.  Appu was also surprisingly not receptive to the idea of having another sibling to hanker around. I was in a dilemma now.  I had to take a decision.  And that too the right one.  Age, health was not on my side.  Would my body be able to take another pregnancy and another c section?  What if something happens to me?  Should I put the kids and Biju through such a situation? What if there was something wrong with the baby? The pregnancy definitely wont be easy.  Should I let myself and my family get into a difficult situation.

But then there was this tiny life within me that had chosen me to be its mother.  Can I betray that tiny being's trust?  And it was Gods will, that cannot be wrong, can it?  Am I not a person who believes that everything happens for a reason.  No I should nurture that little life inside me and bring it out into the world.

The practical side of me suppressed the maternal feelings within me at that point of time and we decided it was in the interest of all that i terminate the pregnancy,  Accordingly a four day trip to India was made.  At the airport I signed a pregnancy declaration..I was 8 weeks pregnant.  Yes it did break my heart to think that when I return after four days I would not be having the tiny spark of life within me.  I had already bonded with the little one and had started having silent conversations with it. But I tried to push away such thoughts, It was decided that I would have the D&C done the morning I reached India so that I would have some rest too.  As planned made a visit to Bharat Hospital after having a small nap.  I still remember that day so vividly,  Around me were a lot of expectant jubilant mothers proudly walking around with their huge bellies and here I was waiting to snuff out the tiny light inside.  The meet with the doctor was very matter of fact.  She asked me to make the payment and go to the labour room after 10 minutes,  Payment for MTP was done.  Before going to the labour room as adviced, mommy asked if I could talk to the doctor as I seemed to be in two minds.  I put forward my fears about but surprisingly the doc tor was very positive and said I could go ahead with the pregnancy if I wanted to.  She definitely would not be able to assure smooth sail.  She asked me to go for a USG.  Here I saw the tiny heart beat for the first time.  The tiny life within me was flourishing confident that I would not let it down.  

The doctor must have sensed my relief and threw away the papers she had made for me asking me to go home and think about it and that she was not going to do the MTP that day.  If I chose to go ahead with the MTP I had to go the next morning.  My mind was in a turmoil.  Choose the easy wrong or the extremely hard right?  I knew whatever decision I made would be mine and mine only and I would have to take up the entire responsibility.  I spoke to Bijus Ammayi who had faced a similar situation in life and it felt so nice talking to someone who would understand.  I was bombarded with suggestions from all sides.  It was a very very long night for me.  I wonder if that tiny life too stayed awake waiting anxiously for me to decide. Or was it sleeping away peacefully completely trusting me.    No...I needed the tiny being more than it needed me.  I could not let it perish.  It would all be over in five minutes and then it would be a lifetime of longing for me if I let it go.  It was mine to be loved and nurtured.  It had chosen me as its mother and isnt a mother one who loves and nurtures.  Definitely not one who destroys.  I had made up my mind.  Come what may, I decided to protect that little life growing in me.  I firmly believed that little being had a purpose to complete.  That morning I woke up with a clear conscience and a happiness that I had not felt in a long time!!!  Cos I knew I had chosen right over wrong.......